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Random jokes

A Chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar. Spielberg suddenly slapped the Chinese..

Chinese: why?

Spielberg: Because you bombed Pearl Harbor! My father died there!

Chinese: But I am Chinese, not Japanese.

Spielberg: You fool! Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Taiwanese, you are all the same.

The Chines punched Spielberg.

Spielberg: Why did you do that?

Chinese: That's for sinking the Titanic.

Spielberg: But Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, stupid!

Chinese: Iceberg, carlsberg, spielberg, you are all the same!!


Impossible to Please ....
....A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. ....
.... ....
....The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." ....
.... ....
....So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. ....
.... ....
....The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. ....
.... ....
....They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." ....
.... ....
....They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. ....
.... ....
....On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. ....
.... ....
....There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."



♦ A Blonde was drawing money from ATM, The blonde behind her in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password.
Its 4 asterisks(****).
The first blonde replies, Ha! Ha! Haaa! U r wrong, Its 1258


Flying Blondes

A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn
to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to
instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the
basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet,
she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so
beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was
to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and
was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about
half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know!
Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting
to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned
off the big fan!"



☻COSTLY PERFUME
An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!"

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."




 
Once many people from around the world were invited at Queen Victoria's residence for lunch.
At the beginning of the lunch it was announced that every thing which is to be asked will be asked in a poetic way.
There was a sardar also. A person sitting next to sardar said to his partner "Mr. Tibutboon, please pass the spoon".
Now the sardar wanted custard. He thought a lot for a while for custard but couldn't find one.
In the end he said to his partner "you bastard, pass the custard".




☻Galileo used 2 study in smal lamp.
Graham Bell used 2 study in candle light.
Shakspeare used 2 study in street light.
I dont understand what these people use to do during day time?




 
"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."

Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles ..
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards ...




Santa: Darling, years ago u had a figure lyk coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes dear I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300 ml, now it is 1.5 litres.




Police Inspector: Have you caught the thief?
Sub Inspector: No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector: What?
Sub Inspector: Finger prints.
Police Inspector: Where?
Sub Inspector: On my cheeks.



MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.




A Blonde and her husband filed an application for divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide?
You have 3 children.
Blonde replied: OK! We will apply next year.




Combination Jokes

♦ Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

♦ Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

♦ Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair

♦ Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

♦ Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

♦ Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

♦ Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

♦ Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime


..these were some funny jokes, much more hilarious jokes are listed below...
Blonde jokes, Hindi jokes, Cool jokes,

Friendship jokes,  Funny jokesBest friend jokesRiddle jokesSardar jokes,   Wisdom jokesMiss you jokes,  Daring jokesPick up line jokes,  Double meaning jokesOne liner jokes,  Decent jokesCool jokesGeneral jokes, Santa and BantaPoem jokes
&
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